Dear Janet Jackson

I saw a video of you the other day. I felt a bit creepy watching it because it was obviously intrusive and someone had creeped into your garden/hotel area/whereever you were to film you with a handycam. I’m okay with that though, because you make loads of money and I don’t.

So, in this video, you were sunbathing nude, listening to some shitty music, and kinda dancing on your lounger, rubbing your surprisingly pert old lady titties with oil, this is all very interesting, hrmm, you turn over – hang on a second. You start drumming your ass cheeks with your hands.

Next time you might want to check the vicinity for hidden cameras so I don’t have to watch you play bongos on your ass again.

Please scrub my eyes,
The Editor