Dear Kate Moss

You got fired today. I guess you probably know already.

What I find intriging is what you got fired for – for being a lesbian-orgy-loving coke whore. 20 lines in 40 minutes, I read. That’s pretty impressive. What’s not so impressive, is fucking Jude Law and Sadie Frost at the same time. I guess Jude Law is almost okay in a foppish herpes kind of way, but Sadie Frost? I’ve seen naked photos of her on the internet and damn, she’s middle-aged.

On another note, what I find weird is how similar you and Sienna Miller look. You look pretty much identical – you even dress the same. You are older, obviously, and she is more conventially beautiful, but you still look like sisters. I mention this because Jude Law has dipped his love stick in both of you. Surely, at least one of you find this weird. Or maybe you don’t. Oooh, there’s another story waiting to happen.

So, who do you think will fire you next? I hope it’s Rimmel London because I bought some Rimmel nail polish and it’s utter shite. It just scrapes right off. I bought it because I saw an ad with you in it and this led me to believe that it wasn’t a completely budget cosmetic range. I feel lied to.

I wouldn’t worry about everything though. This whole little scandal will reinforce your wild and crazy I’m-a-fucking-SUPERmodel act and you’ll be, like so hot right now. Maybe you can get your freaky junkie boyfriend to be your Mugatu.

Relax, don’t do it,
The Editor

P.S. Send me some? I bet you can get some good shit.